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The Maisano Code: Cider House RULES!

Photo Credit: Cliffview Pilot
Photo Credit: Cliffview Pilot

What is it about this time of year, when we can hear the rumble of the holidays approaching, that the strangest of emotions start to creep up? Does this happen only to people who are single? Is it the change of climate? Or does Hallmark got some conspiracy going to take us on a heart-rending roller-coaster?

It’s not even Halloween yet and you find yourself reminiscing about days gone by. Before you know it, you’re folded snugly into that cozy chair, a snifter of brandy in your hand, headed out on the Jacob Marley tour.

Mary Ann Maisano

The movie trailer in your mind takes you through every bad relationship you ever had, to the point that you actually start to miss some of these dipshits.

Know why? It’s pumpkin season and suddenly you’re not in the patch. You’ve got this thirst for cyder, among other things. The wind is whistling and howling outside as if all of your exes are talking to you at once.

It’s only then that you realize: This is nothin’. We’ve still got Thanksgiving, Christmas, and — ugh! — New Year’s Eve.

If you could only fast-forward to Jan. 1, when the promise of spring is around the proverbial corner. Before long, it’ll be blue skies, sultry warm nights, fragant flowers and brilliant sunsets.

Which in itself can be its own nightmare if you don’t have someone to share it with and your options do not include settling.

So you clean up real good, proactively put on the face and do the dance of love.

Actually, it’s more like an interview:

“What do you do for a living?”

“I’m in banking.”

“Really? Do you like it?”

“Sorta. What I really like are puppies and sunsets and long walks on the beach…. Hey, where you goin’?”

Sorry, folks. Here’s where I pull the double-cross.

Y’see, when I was at that lonely moment, when hope became sporadic, at best, God sent me the most remarkable person I’ve ever met.

They’re not kiddin’ when they say love comes from the most unexpected places. I’ve met plenty who swore they were ready, willing and able, only to find they were unavailable, unwilling and emotionally disabled.

I’m happy to announce that this season I am looking forward to a romp in the pumpkin patch, more than a few glasses of spiked cider — and, of course, the raging fireplace. Bring on the Christmas tree, the lights, the strike of midnight on New Years Eve. Gimme those cold winter nights, the first breath of spring, sunsets at the beach.

You have only one greatest love in your life, at least according to Sonny in “A Bronx Tale.” So when God sends you a gift, you’d best send a “Thank You” card. The last thing anyone wants to do is piss Him off!

Cider, anyone?

Critics and reviewers have raved about Maryann’s music as well as her standup. She’s opened for Joy Behar and Ray Romano, and has played The Laugh Factory, Broadway Comedy Club and Dangerfield’s. She has a CD of her own and will be featured on Danny Aiello’s upcoming album, “City of Light.” Judging from the looks of the packed houses, she’ll also be staging plenty more performances with the ITALIAN CHICKS, whose show has been called “part meatball, part cannoli.” For more on Maryann, the group, where they’re performing and how to get tickets, click here: ITALIAN CHICKS . Tell ’em CLIFFVIEWPILOT sent you.

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